I try to use writing as a way to express and publish what I feel. Though, I’ve noticed that I’m fearful to speak. My mind is flooded with thoughts but I can’t seem to get them into words spoken or written. Why have I become this unexpressive of what I would like to let go of and move on to what is next? It’s all cluttered inside a big round skull, causing me a daily headache that throbs day on and day out…
Can this be the result of a culture I’ve been exposed to?
I still remember my days back in university when I usually said what I shouldn’t be saying or more than what I should’ve said. I remember having more friends then, and never caring what anyone thinks what I am. Maybe it’s all an illusion of my imagination or some faulty memory. I’m not really sure. I just know I was known.
I’ve recently discovered that most people change after they become family people. The ones that don’t change don’t seem to have a stable life for some odd reason. Can this be a flaw in the system? Or is it just a change in the pereception of being “responsible” for everything that you do and how it might affect those around you?
Don’t misinterpret what I am saying though and think that I have a problem with being a family person. I love being a family person and all the package that comes with it. I love the daily train of thought that will not stop till the last breath. I love the dependency and the independency all together. My main concern is where does this change in character comes from? I literally feel like I went to sleep and woke up like this.
My next mission is to actually change that! To become comfortable with expressing what I feel rather than holding it in. Agree with what I agree with and disagree with what I disagree with. What harm could come from it? I’ll find out I’m sure but I’m willing to take the risk.
Stay tuned for my next post.