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I am Mess

Tired of waking up in the morning. Waking up to get ready and off to work. The drive is always long. I always try to make use of long rides. I watch the news or videos of people saying useful things. I try to make the most of my time. I’m tired though. Everyday I wake up and do that same thing. I change the videos but I still hear the same things. Everything is so sad. Everyone is so sad. Why are we sad? Why are we driving angry? Why is there nothing to talk about on te news but wars and conflicts? Why the bully face?

I still have to do this though. I have to do it nomatter the situation. Bills to pay. Food to buy. A life to build.

I drop my girls off to work and school. I am alone now. I get to the parking lot. I do not want to get out of the car. I want to turn around and drive home. I want to sleep forever. That is not doable though. A future to secure. I listen to some music. I inhale my vape. I exhale. The car is foggy. I want to exhale my soul and be free. I decide to pull myself up and get out of the car. I am out of the car. I do not want to walk a single step. I walk nonetheless. A future to secure.

I go up the stairs. I see people at the front desk. I enter work. I walk into the kitchen. The fingerprint machine is in the kitchen. I place my finger onto the scanner. I have signed in. I want to stay in the kitchen. I leave the kitchen. I studied the schedule at home. I cannot remember anything on it. I go to the front computer. I check the schedule a few times. I am not sure why I am looking at it. I am just looking at it. Why am I lloking at the schedule? I am confused. I need to prepare for my students today. I need to make sure I do a great job today. I want to go home. I need to take a vacation. Yes I definitely need one.

Blank thoughts. Work to be done.